formspring.me

What do you find attractive in a guy? In a girl?

I like STYLE and HUMOR. Obviously I can’t even be friends with someone if their humor level is set to zero. Why can’t I have boring friends, you ask? Because I would begin to talk to myself— answering my own jokes, giving comebacks to my own witty remarks, etc, etc, etc.

As a result I would drive myself into a crazed state, most likely taking a car and filling it with sharks and then accelerating off a moderately sized cliff, thus ending my life.

I think I completely went over that question. Oops. Anyways, yeah. Style and humor.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

A moderately sized team of researchers comb forests, meadows, and barns in a hunt for newly birthed fawns in order to begin conditioning for the real world. The baby deer, taken gently around the torso by gloved hands, are brought into an experimental learning center and are then dropped in a makeshift woods-to-roadway stage created completely out of cotton fabrics with fluff.

Cue the yellow sign. The yellow crossing sign is enlarged for ease of sight in this makeshift woods-to-roadway staging and the fawns are placed in direct eye contact with an obvious zone for “yellow cross safety” as well as “no safety”.

Here, the magic begins. Whenever the baby deer crosses the fabric road that is not near the yellow sign, a mechanism is triggered that sends an RC-car covered with pillows into the animal, making the creature fall without injuring any part of its body. When the animal crosses near the yellow sign, nothing happens, and they are fed a treat of fruit and vegetables.

Through this process the fawns begin to understand that yellow sign = good and no sign = pillow whomping. This is why it is not recommended to bring pillows on camping trips, just in case the traumatized adult deer begin to have flashbacks of being hit by small electronic cars.

Yes, this is exactly why people sleep on rocks when they go camping.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

who would win in a fight (prison rules) : a velociraptor och a t-rex?

Prison rules? Well, that changes EVERYTHING.

Since Velociraptors have more flexible hands as well as a speed advantage, it’d be safe to assume that they would be more of a weapons-oriented fighter that uses homemade shanks to strike their victims in quick motions, all the while dodging slower attacks made by meatier foes. In addition, the T-Rex’s slow but critically damaging ability to perform the feared “HAMMER TIME” is able to defeat any enemy it’s used upon.

With that being said, assuming that the fight occurs in a normal 8 x 12 foot cell, the T-Rex should just squash the Velociraptor the moment he begins to talk about why he was transfered to the jail in the first place. If the fight occurs in the yard, the Velociraptor has the advantage of space and the lack of the T-Rex’s ability to turn, thus foiling the larger carnivore’s Hammer Time attack.

Adding those two together…uh….Velociraptor wins.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

For you to try to gain 30 pounds in 30 days, how much would I have to promise to give you as a prize for success?

If I successfully gained thirty pounds in thirty days, the prize MUST be liposuction. MUST. In addition, I need a cardboard cutout of Christian Bale from his role in The Machinist to help motivate me. I won’t take anything less.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

what would you order if you suddenly found yourself at olive garden?

Well, it depends how you define ‘suddenly’. If I was in the middle of showering and somehow teleported into the nearest Olive Garden lobby, I would most likely order the unlimited soup and salad so it looks like I (somewhat) care about my body. However, if I was blindfolded by Pack Pack and dragged into Olive Garden, I would most likely order the ravioli because I honestly don’t care what Pack Pack thinks. If you eliminate ‘suddenly’, implying that I purposely chose to eat at Olive Garden, that would be incorrect because I wouldn’t eat overpriced carbohydrates in the first place. ‘chya!

Ask me anything

formspring.me

where do you see yourself in ten years?

hmmm. a serious question. in ten years, i see myself in a small, beat-down apartment along a rarely visited street in the heart of paris, france. by this time, i would have given away all my money in exchange for a life of solitude that would consist of glass bottles of water, thin sweaters, and an air of freedom unmatched by anything i’ve ever come across. why france, you ask? because i don’t like it. out of all the countries i’ve been to, it’s france that ranks the worst. cheers!

Ask me anything